Trifecta?

Recently the Greater Clark County School Board lost a member when Mr. Robbie Valentine decided to resign at the end of the year.  The board has announced that it will select a new member to replace Mr. Valentine, based upon a rigorous vetting of applicants wishing to take Mr. Valentine’s place on the board.

Mr. Mark Pavey, recently elected vice president of the board, and his wife, Connie, executive assistant to the superintendent at GCCS, were spotted by a local reporter as they were entering a travel agency a few days after the board announced its intention to select a new member.  The reporter followed the Paveys into the travel agency and asked Mr. Pavey if he had any specific candidates in mind to fill the spot on the board.  Mr. Pavey, who appeared to be slightly annoyed by the reporter’s question, replied tersely, “No comment.”  He then commented, “What wifey wants, wifey gets…capiche?”

Mrs. Pavey added, “We’d really like to keep it in the family, if you know what I mean.  I have a family member who is just CRAZY to get her hands on some REAL power…and I mean that…literally…

Mr. and Mrs. Pavey declined to comment further and walked away from the reporter in order to speak with a travel agent.*

new school pictures

*Not intended to be a factual account.  See definition of “spoof,” at:

 http://www.thefreedictionary.com/spoof

Bat-Blog The Winner!!!!!

Anonymous Gadflies Grumble

The Goliathandwimmens "Best Blog Summer 2011" poll closed early this morning.  In a hard fought, down-to-the-wire race, the Bat-Blog has defeated all other contenders, leaving them in the dust in the final moments with a huge surge in votes, giving him a 36 vote margin above the nearest contestant at the end.  

Comments have been made, anonymously, accusing HT of cheating, but, as the owner of one of the blogs entered in the contest, I have no such doubts about the integrity of either Goliath's poll or HT.  As a previous Goliathandwimmens Award Winner (Best Internet Gag Summer 2010), I know firsthand how that green-eyed monster, jealousy, can lead others to spew spurious claims of cheating or favoritism.  Don't let their bitterness ruin even one second of your well earned accolades, HT.

Congratulations, my friend - you're a winner!

Elegy

News of the World 

Born 1843

Died 2011

The British people mourn the sudden, unexpected death of a great journalistic institution.

Look!  Page 3!  T*ts!!!

Thank you and goodbye, Murdoch, you massive c**t.

It's War!!!!!

Weapon of Choice

As most of you may know, Goliathandwimmens has announced a declaration of war by putting up a Best Blog poll.  I’ve sat back since this announcement and watched as my fellow competitors have pulled out their “big guns,” i.e., offering money for votes and pandering to the prurient interests with soft porn graphics and other such vile knavery.

I have chosen to take a different, more respectable path. 

A comment was posted on a local forum recently advising all of us blog owners that, “If you must blog or have a forum, follow Goliath because he seems to try (mostly) to keep us informed or entertained.”

I’m not quite sure how the poster’s high opinion of Goliath jibes with Goliath’s own fowl (sic) behavior, such as stalking helpless, innocent chickens and blatantly offering money for votes, but, nonetheless, I’ve taken the poster’s suggestion under serious consideration and have decided to follow his advice.

Goliath frequently posts “cultural arts” type material, apparently meant to enlighten his barbarian visitors.  This, I suspect, is what the poster was referring to in his effusive praise of the headless one, so I’ve decided to follow that fanboy’s advice.  My weapon of choice to deploy in this particular blog war will be…philosophy.  You just can’t get more high brow, high falutin’ or culturally elitist than that.  I may not win the Blog War, but I firmly believe that I CAN and WILL win the Culture War.

Behold and tremble, hoi polloi, at the awesome might of philosophical “shock and awe”:

We lost...thank goodness!!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/17/japan-usa-shootout-womens-world-cup_n_901132.html

At first I felt disappointed about this loss, but then I came across someone who explained why it's actually a good thing that Americans suck at soccer:

"Why in the name of our Lord and Savior who was killed by the Jews so we could have ever lasting life, is America in some soccer tournament?? Why? Because it's all part of Barak Osama Homo bin Laden's plot to install socialism on our shores."

Bachmann Marriage Overdrive

Marcus and Michele Bachmann are thuper therious about protecting traditional marriage.



Marcus would be an awesome first lady, don't you think?

!!!!!JACKPOT!!!!!

Mr. Mark Pavey, who campaigned on the promise "pinkie-swear," that he would always take the ethical path where his wife, who is employed by the school system, was concerned (and then promptly didn't), has been elected as the new VP of the School Board.

When asked if this might mean more "training" time for her in Florida, Mrs. Pavey replied, "Florida!  Pfft!  That's SO last year! I figure if my husband can manage to "save" the school system money by cutting, for example, unneeded and unnecessary janitorial positions, I should be able to embark on some "training junkets" to The Hamptons - after all, that's where the "smart set" goes!*

Mr. Pavey added, "Honey, all those trips I promised you for all those years...well, pack your bags, baby!  The suckers taxpayers of this county will be more than happy to send you to all the vacation beaches "training seminars" necessary to ensure that the little gravytrains students at our personal travel fund schools are provided with the most well traveled trained staff possible."*

So congrats, you two!  I'm sure you'll always do what's best for the Pavey family students!  And Mark, don't you mind all those suckers voters who are having second thoughts about your integrity - after all, integrity doesn't pay the travel expenses, does it?

UPDATE:  For the sake of readers who may not be intellectually gifted enough to recognize obvious satire, I have added a disclaimer:

* = Not intended to be a factual statement


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