Chatter Chicks April 9, 2011 Meeting Minutes

The Unconfirmed and Unofficial Minutes of the Third Meeting of the Chatter Chicks or, What Certainly Did Not Happen Today at Ruben’s in Clarksville.

The regularly scheduled meeting of the Clark County Chatter Chicks took place today at Ruben’s Mexican Restaurant in Clarksville, Indiana. The meeting was called to order by Happy Granny shortly after 2:00 in the afternoon, but no one took notice because they were too busy inquiring as to the identity of the young man HappyCat had been meeting with in the parking lot. 

In attendance at today’s meeting were the following: Grumpy Granny, Happy Granny, Kelley, HappyCat, Chopper Woman, I Like Squirrels, Mrs. Professor, Hound Dog, Cindiloohoo, Gabriella and Debbie H. Gabriella and Debbie showed up shortly after everyone else, which caused eyebrows to be raised with unspoken speculation. Chopper Woman was also slightly late, but since she brought a gift for HappyCat, we are not questioning her belatedness. Not in attendance were the following: Jules, Rounddots, and Teresa Fisher. If anyone else was not in attendance who should have been included in this list, HappyCat (who is unofficially submitting these minutes) cannot remember. Perhaps this has something to do with the Virgin pina colada she had, which may or may not have been chaste and pure. 

After it became clear that answers were not going to be forthcoming with regards to who HappyCat had been meeting with or what the purpose of that meeting was, the next order of business was introduced. Shirts with the Chatter Chicks logo were distributed, with Chopper Woman stripping down to her unmentionables and donning her shirt immediately upon receipt. Cindiloohoo produced her Tiara of E-vil, which she showed to all the Chatter Chicks present but did not deign to allow any of us to try on, no matter how much we begged and pleaded. Drink orders were taken by Christina, the somewhat overwhelmed owner of Ruben’s, and a smoking break was promptly declared. Grumpy Granny, Happy Granny and Hound Dog remained indoors, as they are self-proclaimed “Good Girls” and did not want to be seen on a public sidewalk with the likes of the rest of the group. There may have been another “Good Girl” or two who stayed inside, but the pina colada that wasn’t quite innocent has made things more than a little fuzzy …tsk, tsk, tsk, HappyCat. 

Once back inside the establishment, talk finally turned to She Who Shall Not Be Named. Hound Dog congratulated Cindiloohoo on her restraint, having made it a full sixty-five minutes before bringing the topic to the table. That Cindi had mentioned SWSNBN while on the smoke break was not discussed, as Cindi had ordered by now a shot of Wild Turkey, and been disappointed to find that her only option was Jack Daniels. We did not want to risk her displeasure and the possible consequences of such, again remembering the Tiara of E-vil, so we kept our mouths shut. 

Debbie was disappointed that there was no strapping young man named Ulysses working in or near the establishment. She had to be restrained several times from sneaking into the kitchen, which is where most of the male staff works. This monumental task was left up to Grumpy Granny, who threatened to take away her posting privileges on the Chatter for a month if she did not behave herself. 

The question of candidate suitability came up, and the criteria were established with post haste. Primarily, the candidate for any office in the land had to be more mature than Cindiloohoo. Though there were a few moments of concern, we all hurried to reassure Kelley that she definitely met the requirements, and peace once again returned to the group. 

The more serious topic of fundraising for a good cause came up, and after deciding that jewel-encrusted tiaras for the entire group did not constitute a good cause, it was settled that our best option for raising the most money and goods quickly would likely be pole dancing for our chosen charity. If we can ever agree as to what that charity is. Squirrel’s double D’s threatened to make an appearance, but were quickly downvoted as Ruben’s is a family establishment and there were children at the next table. 

Cindi, distraught at the thought of all those unpurchased and unworn tiaras, ordered another shot of Jack. Debbie perked up at the mention of Jack, but was again disappointed to learn this man came in a bottle. We promised to make provisions for her at the next meeting, so that she won’t feel so let down. 

Kelley was accompanied by her omnipresent unflappable hair, which has its own entourage. Said entourage was forced to wait outside the establishment where it could harrass other patrons who entered and exited. The entourage, namely The Wind, did its best to chase up women’s skirts while it waited impatiently for Kelley’s exit from the building. As the rest of the Chicks agreed, it was not cruel of Kelley to leave The Wind outside, since if she were to bring it inside it might turn into Breaking Wind, which we all were adamant about being a Bad Thing. 

HappyCat, still trying to get her bearings, was somewhat confused by the significance of Kelley’s unflappable hair. However, after the pina colada arrived, her confusion was forgotten. Hound Dog graciously agreed to eat the Virgin’s cherry, which most of the group missed due to the second smoke break. The consumers of alcohol neglected to tell HappyCat that she could not get drunk by proximity, and thus the power of the pina colada was enhanced tenfold. 

As the meeting drew to a close, the locale of next month’s gathering was discussed, and the *************, aptly enough located in *************, was tentatively agreed upon, even though they do not serve Wild Turkey. Cindi was mollified somewhat to find that they do have trees nearby, and at this time, the meeting was adjourned. 

While on the sidewalk outside the meeting place, Cindiloohoo proposed a motion that the first rule of Chatter Chicks is that No One talks about Chatter Chicks. The second rule is that what happens at the table, stays at the table (as example, the Virgin cherry). As a quorum was present, the motion was seconded and approved, and the meeting was officially adjourned one more time. 

With respect, and with confusion as to how that tattoo got “there”, I hereby submit the minutes of the third meeting of the Chatter Chicks for approval. 

Sincerely (and sincerely muddled), 

HappyCat